1. What do you really want in your emotional life? Love, gentleness, communication, tenderness, loyalty, empathy, a financially independent person? Many people have criteria related to the physical or general appearance: tall, hair like this or that, a person with a certain level of education, such a profession or another criterion, but what about? Does it have characteristics of the heart, soul, personality, temperament?
If you are single, are your criteria for having a partner in your life like looking for someone with affinities for a drive in the car and going out to a restaurant … If so, good luck because the personality traits are not included and the person attracted may cause your deep wounds to react and vice versa.
2. Dependent expressions. I don’t know about you, but I have heard many people use these expressions:
• I am nothing without you.
• I can not live without you.
• Without your presence my life has no meaning.
• You are my reason to live.
Is this a sign of emotional autonomy? The answer goes without saying … I know that the words of this article can make you think and that at a high level because they go straight to the heart of every human reality. Many have pain in love and seek the door to free themselves from the discomfort.
I hope that these words will provide some leads and ensure that no judgment is made on anyone, no more on yourself than on a partner or ex-partner. In the Ferris wheel of life, we are all actors who play roles that we have not had training for and who are influenced by our emotional wounds, our happy or unhappy experiences. We love and miss them, it is just a way to live life.
3. I also invite you to pay attention to your beliefs. Here is one that can hurt compared to love. It is the fact of thinking that a person could, alone, come to meet your needs (all in connection with the wound of abandonment and rejection as explained in various articles on this portal). If so, it is probably disappointment or failure.
4. It is important to know precisely what you want and to make the changes in yourself to vibrate at this tuning fork. When meeting someone, make sure you know where you are on your journey. Is your personality impulsive and impatient or is it all smooth and too submissive or even balanced, feeling in deep peace? All of this will influence who you meet or the type of relationship you find yourself in. I have seen so many people claim to feel in need of love from a very young age and still feel the inconvenience today.
5. Activate your emotional addict detector. Imagine yourself at the end of the runway in an aeroplane where you are the pilot. You look at the dashboard and see a few red indicators warning you of technical problems. Are you going to take off anyway? Now you are behind the wheel of your life. Doubts and discomforts are bright lights. Is the dashboard looking good or does it look like a Christmas tree?
Do you unscrew the saviour’s flashing light by telling yourself that you are going to put the other in the right way, for example, that you are going to make him happy in spite of himself?
Back to the plane now. Instead of adding oil or correcting tire pressure or pressurization or, worse yet, putting out the fire, do you choose to take off anyway? What will happen?
It would be like choosing to take off with your eyes closed instead of evacuating the plane and running away. Now let’s bring it back to a relationship: I’ll let you make your own deductions. Over time, some will even keep nostalgia for this faulty plane, months or even years, feeling melancholy in the face of this adventure where they were burnt and felt crushed or crushed.
Does this attitude help to find the path to true happiness, to clean up oneself and to bond with a happy partner and to hang out with motivating friends? No. Such a turning point offers the possibility of creating your life as you want it instead of blaming anyone. Knowing what you want instead of what you don’t want to changes everything. Talking to each other from the heart, seeing the real possibilities and doing the best is important.
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